Identity and Self-worth

Our self-worth is a tricky, quite fragile thing- it's either established in childhood or not. And due to the sensitive nature of developmental wounds, many times it's not. Don't fear though! We can build or self-worth if it's been low all our lives.

For building self-worth as adults, it's important to know that how we view ourselves- ie. our identity or sense of self, directly contributes to our sense of self-worth.

And though there are many factors that contribute to creating our sense of self- there are two I will focus on for this topic; our beliefs and our actions.

Firstly, our beliefs.

What we believe about ourselves is extremely important. Many of us are carrying into adulthood, really false, harsh, unhelpful and limiting beliefs about who we are and what we're capable of.

How many times have you heard your inner critic tell you how lazy you are or what a failure you are, or how incapable or not good enough you are?

Now, is that really how you want to think of yourself and the identity you want to carry for yourself?

I think not. These inner beliefs and thoughts begin to shape our identity. If every day you tell yourself that you're stupid, you will feel, and therefore act like a stupid person.

Our beliefs and identity have a direct impact on the choices, decisions and behaviors we elicit in the world each day.

So, in order to build your self-worth and take control of your identity we need to correct those false and unhelpful beliefs. Here's how:

1. Each time you hear or notice a false, negative, limiting belief about yourself pause and write it down (notes on your phone will do).

2. Then, look at what you've written and ask, is that really true?

3. If the answer is no, scratch it out and write what is actually true, helpful and supportive *(make sure you believe it to be true).

eg. 'You're such a failure, everything you try fails'

Really, everything? Every single thing?

I don't think so, what's probably true is that like every human you've tried things, succeeded at some and failed at others and failure is a part of life- it helps us grow! So maybe failing doesn't need to be judged so harshly.

New belief- I'm human, I succeed and I fail at times, and that's okay, I can always try again.

Secondly, our actions.

What we do in the world, our jobs, careers or daily duties can often become tied to who we are. If I ask you to describe who you are right now, you might start with your job title, then a role in your family, example, mother, or son, friend or sibling etc. Yes, what we do in the world each day takes up a large portion of our lives, so naturally it contributes to our sense of identity. That's not the problem.

The problem is when that becomes the only thing that we identify with and the only thing that makes us feel accomplished, proud or worthy.

If our self-worth is being held together solely by what we do in the world we're in trouble. Why? Because our jobs and roles are transient. The natural order of the world and this life states that our roles and jobs can come and go and we may or may not have control over that.

So, if we lose our role, what, suddenly all our self-worth and sense of self go out the door.

That's why creating an identity of positive self-belief and attributes is helpful in building our self-worth.

We need to feel worthy based on who we are, not only on what we do.

So, if you're up for it, ask yourself; who are you outside of your job and daily roles in this life?

• What are some of your personal attributes?

• What are some of your strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes?

• What makes you, uniquely you?

I hope you take some time to discover!

If you'd like some prompts for this, my self-discovery book of journal prompts and guided meditations - Unfolding, is a great place to start.

There's a section for your mind, body, heart and soul and introspection questions are a great way to get to know the true you.