How to Self-Love

We're accustomed by now getting the advice that we "just need to love ourselves"... but many of us are left wondering... "but how?".

Google will tell you that Self-love is a noun. I would like to suggest however that it is both a noun and a verb. Thinking of it solely as a noun is actually what makes it more of this abstract quality that we can't seem to be able to reach or obtain. Knowing that Self-love is also a verb is what actually helps us to establish it into our lives.

As a noun, self-love is "regard for one's own well-being and happiness" (Oxford Languages). The thing is, to be able to have regard for one's own well-being and happiness one has to know themselves, respect themselves, and have compassion and care for themselves.

This is the self-love equation:

(Self discovery + Self-acceptance) *Self-compassion = Self-Love

Knowing yourself and getting to a place of fully accepting all of who you are allows you to have essential self-compassion for yourself, your mistakes, flaws and suffering.

THIS is an absolute game changer for your feelings of authentic self-love.

Now back to Self-love as a verb. Self-acceptance and self-compassion are concepts that we need to put into action. We don't just wake up one morning and have them. We need to create them through adjusting our thought patterns, our reactions and behaviors towards ourselves and our lives.

For example, if you usually judge and criticize yourself for not getting everything on your to-do list done. Self-acceptance and compassion in action would look like realizing you are only human, you had barely enough sleep last night, you have a lot on your plate and you did your best. Encouraging yourself to try again tomorrow vs berating yourself for 'failing' today is a much healthier, more productive use of your mental and emotional energy.

Establishing this supportive, caring relationship with yourself is what results in a profound level of authentic self-love. This formula also helps reconnect you to the more basic and inherent feelings of self-worth that sometimes elude us during our formative years due to a variety of circumstances.

Self-worth helps us realize that we are worthy of love, joy, peace and respect simply because we exist, not solely based on our achievements or lack thereof.

When you know your worth and love yourself unconditionally your actions start to reflect this. Your habits start to be less grounded in self-sabotage and more supported by self-love. Self-love becomes a verb because you choose a healthy meal over fast food because you have regard for your well-being. You go to therapy to heal your wounds because you know you deserve better relationships than you've been attracting in the past. Your life becomes full of actions that show you that you love yourself, rather than it remaining an abstract, intellectual theory.

If you're ready to establish more authentic self-love into your life I have a couple options for you. You may consider individual therapy or My Self-Love Sanctuary, group therapy program.

My book Growing also provides you with journal prompts, a 90 day growth plan and daily habit tracker so that you can start putting your self-love and care into accountable action.

If you have any questions about starting your own self-love journey contact me via email here.